While reading through some of our letters I recently came across this one from

May 1991. It struck such a chord in me although more than six years have

passed. First, what amazed me is that the fire has gotten much hotter than I

ever dreamed I could endure back in 1991. Realizing that could have

discouraged me but what also struck me is that while I felt so alone when I

first wrote this, God has given the same cry and desire to many who now stand

with us. When I hear them pray, I believe He is giving us back the prayer of

faith in the land though the answers are delayed for a time. Yes, God is

preparing many to pray the prayer of faith in desperate days to come though

they may be drinking a cup of sorrow for a while. So we share these

reflections of a broken heart with hope and expectation as well as

thanksgiving for all God has done and will do.

Reflections from the Refiner's Fire - Further into the Fire

"Father, what is happening to me? Has the the furnace been heated seven times

hotter? I was just starting to see you in the fire but now your form is hidden

by a flood of emotion and pain that has engulfed me. I long to escape. Day and

night my enemies taunt me saying 'where is your God?'

"Oh, Lord, I thought I was standing strong in You - that I would never fall into

this pit again. Am I still living in my own strength, Father? Oh, teach me to

abide; perfect that which concerns me. If I am really honest, I have to admit I

am disappointed. Everything is so different than I expected it to be. Oh, keep

me from being offended in You.

"I don't know why, but I am amazed that I still fall so easily - that I have no

firm and enduring trust. Teach me that I will never have anything of my own -

ALL must come from you always. Surely no good thing dwells in this flesh.

"The pain overwhelms me and my spirit faints. Not just my own pain, but the

pain of the brethren and the pain of the world. I know the Truth but am

helpless to reach out unless You endue me with power from on High. I know so

much but experience so little. Help me, oh God of my salvation.

"I look around and wonder - why is there no prayer of faith in the land, no balm

in Gilead , no demonstration of Your power? But even more, why are we not on our

faces before You because of it? Oh come, good Shepherd, and find your poor

afflicted ones and carry them to safety. From many pulpits they hear, 'peace,

peace, all is well' yet go away still broken and captive, hiding behind their

smiles wondering if they are all alone. But when they can no longer smile

someone will likely pray, 'go in peace and be made whole' but will not offer the

true Bread of Life because they have not discerned and wept over Your broken

Body. Make us willing to see it Lord and take all falseness from us.

"Oh, Lord, could it be that you are preparing me to pray the prayer of faith -

to be your Hand extended? Could this pain be Your pain and this cup Your cup?

If so, oh help me drink it, Lord. And when the furnace has died down, never let

me forget this pain or close my eyes to those in need.

"As the fire grows hotter I do not see Your form but I see myself so clearly.

And yet, even though I see what I am, even though I faint and become afraid,

even though I sometimes turn on You in my confusion and probably do many things

wrong, somehow deep inside I know my soul has hold of You as never before and

that You love me and have not, and never will, forsake me - that You are coming

to deliver me and all that put their trust in You. Your Word burns like a fire

in me and pierces my heart like a sword. It is Your Word that tests me, Lord,

not the circumstances. Surely Your Word will endure the fire - all else is

destined to be consumed.

"So go ahead, Lord. Sit as a refiner - remove all the dross. Make a vessel

that can truly contain Your glory - that can go not in word alone but in the

Power of the Holy Ghost for Your Name's sake. Teach me well, Lord. It is

terribly important that this pain not be wasted. Amen"

In closing, we pray this chorus for and with all those in the fire:

Fire of God, burn away what is not holy,

Jesus, take our hearts and make them new.

So we might know your glory, so we might see your face,

So we might feel your heartbeat and hear You call our name.

We love you and thank God for your love and continued prayers and support. We

could never make it without you.